Expect More Than Others Think Is Possible

My last blog post included the following statements about success.

Care more than others think is wise.

Risk more than others think is safe

Dream more than others think is practical

Expect more than others think is possible

In my last blog post, I focused on different ways to show caring as a co-worker and as a manager.  As I read through this quote again, I was thinking about the next area to focus on.  I reflect on both my career in the IT and computer software industry, and my role as a soccer coach.  I realized that in both cases, I expect a lot more out of myself and others than most people.  It’s been one of the keys to my success.  As I’ve said in other blog posts, I haven’t always been the most gifted in my career, as an athlete, or even as a coach.  However, my success can be directly related to my work ethic and my ability to expect more of myself and of others.  When most people are willing to stop and say “that’s all I can do”, I push forward and say “how can I do more?”

When I was actively coaching youth soccer, one of the comments often made to me as a coach was “how do you get so much out of your players?”  Honestly, I didn’t have any magic formula to it.  I always felt that my ability to grow players was to expect more from them, and to teach them how to expect more from themselves.  Most youth players that I have worked with come with the “that’s all I can do” mindset.  The mind is a powerful thing, and you can very easily convince yourself “that’s all I can do”.  What’s harder is to reflect on how to grow beyond the mental barriers you have set for yourself.  One of my specialties, as a coach, was to help young players learn how to expect more of themselves.  It’s not always the physical limitations that get in your way, but rather the mental barriers you put up.

To take it a step further, my current manager and some co-workers sent me an inspirational quote:  “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”.  I think far too often that we limit ourselves because we think in terms of what we can do today.  We grow comfortable with the current state of things, and worry that if we do something different, we will lose what we have today.  That may be the case, but that thinking can also prevent us from growing and getting in a situation that is better than what we have today.  Life is a risk/reward proposition.  If you don’t take any risks, you maintain what you have today.  If you take risks, you can lose what you have, but more importantly, you can get more than what you have.  I think that far too often people let the worry of losing what they have get in the way of being better.  I’m not saying go out and risk everything all the time.  However, you need to be able to push your boundaries and comfort zone if you want to grow.

This all makes sense.  However, how do we get there?  What do we need to do?  I will use my soccer coaching background as an example, but I think this also applies to managers at work.  The translation is pretty simple.  The manager is the soccer coach.  The workers are your players.  Here are what I feel are the keys to success.

• ·      Communicate, communicate, communicate – Nothing else matters if you can’t establish a clear line of communication.  Also, communicate early and often.  As a coach, you want to make sure that your players are comfortable communicating with you no matter what the situation is.  You need to establish, up front, that you’re going to be open to sharing your thoughts with your players, and you’re also going to be open to hearing their thoughts.  Neither the coach nor the player is going to like everything they hear.  The hardest things I’ve ever had to do as a coach is deliver a message I know a player doesn’t want to hear.  I struggle with that because you worry about how a player will react, or if they will “hate” you.  That’s an extreme view, but I always worry about it.  So, when I have to deliver a tough message, I try to make sure I really think through what I want to say and how I want to say it.  I’m certainly not perfect with it every time.  The bottom line is this:  without open communication, nothing else matters.
• ·      Establish a “no penalties” policy – This is a tough one.  I think the best thing you can do as a coach is to let your players know that you want them to try new things, and that if they do and things don’t go as planned, you’re not going to penalize them.  Of course, you have to establish that there are limits to the risks you want them to take.  However, you want them taking chances and learning from mistakes.  The worst thing you can do as a coach is have a player take a risk, make a mistake, and then immediately substitute them out of the game because the risk didn’t pay off.  Part of it is teaching the player resilience.  What I mean by that is this.  After they take a risk and the outcome didn’t go as planned, you want them to work hard to make up for it.  I always tell my players that it’s not always about what happened, but how you react to what happened.  The one area I will “penalize” a player for is if they took a risk, it didn’t go as planned, and they give up.  At that point, I will substitute them out and the first thing we will talk about is how I expect them to react to a mistake.  I’d much rather have a player trying new things, making mistakes, and hustling to recover from those mistakes than have a player that plays the game trying to avoid making mistakes.  It’s VERY important for the players to know that they have the freedom to make mistakes.
• ·      Goal Setting – At the beginning of the season, I sit down with each player to set goals for what they want to accomplish.  Before the session, I ask them to write down what their goals are, and I write down the goals that I have for them.  Then, we sit down, and review the lists and come up with goals we mutually agree on.  It’s typically a blend of what’s on their list, and what’s on mine.  The goals have to be in two different areas.  First, they have to be what they want to accomplish as an individual.  Second, and more importantly, the goals have to be in the context of their role on the team.  Individual goals aren’t necessarily meaningful if they don’t fit into the larger context of the team.  Additionally, if a player is chasing individual goals that don’t fit in the context of the team, the overall team will not succeed.
• ·      Goal Visibility – I always encourage players to write the goals down, and post them somewhere that they will see them on a regular basis.  It’s not just enough to remember the goals.  The goals need to be visible where the player is regularly reminded of what they want to accomplish.  An odd, but very good place to place the goals are on the ceiling over your bed.  You wake up each morning, and the first things you see are your goals.  What’s nice is that it could be anything.  School, soccer, work, or any other type of goal.  There are other places to post goals, but the key is visibility where you see them each and every day.  It’s a great way to see where you want to go.
• ·      Goal Review – This is absolutely critical.  A huge mistake you can make is to help a player set goals, and then only review the goals at the end of the season.  The key is to have regular review sessions where you can work with the player to assess where they’re at with their goals, and whether any adjustments need to be made.  The worst thing you can do as a coach is to set goals, and get to the end of the season only to have the player realize that they missed all of the goals they set for themselves.

I think the most important part of the above list is that you have to make sure that when you’re setting goals and communicating that the goals involve some level of risk or force the player to get outside of their comfort zone.  But again, it needs to be in the right context.  Risks or goals that force a player outside of their comfort zone only work if the player is not afraid of punishment if the risk or goal did not go as they had planned.  They have to feel somewhat comfortable or safe that when things don’t go well that they have a support system in place to help them work through whatever happens.

The above example uses coaching athletes as the basis.  However, I feel the same applies for managers and employees.  Too often in the work place, we set goals annually or quarterly, and then we don’t go back to review them until after the year or quarter is over.  You look back at the goals you didn’t achieve, and think “gee, if I only reviewed the goal more often, I could have adjusted”.  Most organizations have a setup where managers meet with employees on a weekly or bi-weekly basis.  The first part of the meeting should probably be used to review the goals and where things are at.  It doesn’t have to take a long time, but a quick review.  If things need to be adjusted, you don’t necessarily have to do it in the weekly or bi-weekly meeting, but rather have a follow up planning sessions specific to resetting goals and objectives.

As a final thought on this topic, I think the manager’s job is to come up with goals and objectives that force the employee to get outside of their comfort zone.  Obviously, it’s the manager’s job to understand how much risk each employee can tolerate, and then come up with stretch goals based on that.  However, you want to make sure that employees are pushing themselves to try to achieve something they’re not 100% certain they can achieve.  When a manager does this, great things can happen.  First, if an employee doesn’t achieve the goal, they learn a lot about themselves and what else they may need to do.  Second, when the employee does achieve the goal, it’s very rewarding for both the employee and the manager.

People can do great things in life.  However, they have to learn how to expect more from themselves and get outside of their comfort zone. 

Teamwork and Inspiring Others

I spend a lot of time thinking about teamwork, and how to motivate individuals to focus on the goals of the team rather than their own individual aspirations.  To me, the best functioning teams are when individuals put the team’s needs in front of their own wants or needs.  This is especially difficult with younger generations these days that seem to have grown up in a world where the most important things are what they need, not what the team needs.  Unfortunately, they have a pathetic set of roles models in the form of professional athletes where the concept of teamwork is pushed aside by stars searching for individual glory.

A month or so ago, I received a booklet from a collegiate soccer coach that contains a list of inspirational quotes.  The theme of the quotes center around motivation, individual determination, and things that inspire great people and great teams to do great things.  I keep this list handy at work, and I copy and paste one of the quotes outside of my cubicle at work each day.  The goal is to give people that walk by something to read and think about.  I do this in the hopes that people will read the quote, and use it as a way to motivate themselves, and encourage teamwork.

The quote below was one of the ones I posted at my cubicle this past Friday.  It really summarizes how I approach things in my life. 

Care more than others think is wise.

Risk more than others think is safe

Dream more than others think is practical

Expect more than others think is possible

The topic of this blog will focus on the first line of the quote, and focuses on caring when it comes to the work you do.  To me, there are a couple of different levels of caring when it comes to the workplace.  The obvious part of this is caring about the work you do and feeling that the work you do makes a difference.  Not everyone is going to like everything they have to do as part of their job.  However, that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t care about what they do, and want to be good at doing it. 

More importantly, too often, I think management overlooks the fact that they are responsible for making sure their employees know that the work the employee does makes a difference.  It’s more than just acknowledging the employee’s effort and contribution on a project or task.  The manager also needs to share the broader impact of the employee’s work as it relates to the big picture of the organization.  As an employee, it’s always good to get feedback on your effort and contribution.  However, I find it even more rewarding when management can share with me how something I’ve done contributes to a broader impact on the organization.  It takes your mindset from the day to day task at hand to more of “how am I going to make a difference today?”

There is another aspect of caring that people often overlook in the workplace.  That’s the aspect of caring about your co-workers in your direct team, and teammates on the projects you are assigned to outside of your direct team beyond the tasks and assignments.  Many people don’t understand why you should care about your co-workers or teammates.  They approach work with a mindset that you go to work, do your job, try to get along with your co-workers for the sake of your job, and go home.  That is one approach for doing your job.  However, I don’t think it develops a deeper level of commitment to your co-workers or the organization.

I’ve always approached everything I do with a commitment to a deeper level of caring.  I can’t just go to work, do my job, and go home.  I want to understand the people I work with, what motivates them, and what I can do to make them feel that they are an important part of the team.  This involves a deeper level of caring than most people expect.  However, I have found that this level of caring builds deeper bonds between teammates, and will often cause co-workers to show a higher level of commitment to the organization than they otherwise would show.

To me, this is a difficult topic to explain, and the best way to explain it is through some examples of things I’ve done at work.  Some of the obvious examples are getting to know your co-workers in a more personal way.  Things like learning more about their family and interests outside of work, saying things like “good morning” or “hi” as you pass them in the hallway at work, or even stopping them to briefly chat about something you know is going on in their life like dealing with a sick child, asking about an event in their personal life they participated in, or something like that.  It’s very easy to get caught up in your own day to day activities at work and forget about your co-workers.  However, taking the time to make even the simplest gesture makes a difference.

Related to the above mentioned things, you can do little things for co-workers that make their day brighter.  This might include inviting them for a walk to get a cup of coffee, seeing if they want to join you for lunch or a snack, or even sending a co-worker a quick email wishing them a good day.  This also might include something like surprising them with a cup of coffee “just because you felt like it”.  I often find little impromptu surprises like this will brighten a co-worker’s day and make them feel special. 

There are other things that I like to do that make a difference for larger groups of people.  This involves organizing random events and inviting the entire team and/or organization.  These can often be difficult because you often have a diverse set of co-workers with different interests.  So, it’s important to mix the events up so that co-workers feel comfortable participating in them.  Here are some examples of things I’ve organized.

·      Going to a local bar or pub to socialize.  You can include drinkers and non-drinkers as the goal is to really just go and spend social time with your co-workers.

·      Hosting a breakfast where I’ve made waffles and asked people to bring their favorite waffle toppings to share with the group.  We use a room where people can stand or sit and socialize with their co-workers.

·      Hosing an ice cream sundae making event similar to the breakfast.

·      When I travel, I will often bring small gifts back to share with co-workers.  For example, I went to visit my parents in Lancaster, PA.  I brought back food to share with my co-workers as the food in that part of the country is not available where we work.  It allowed me to share a bit about myself and my history in unique way.

I think the most important aspect of these events are that they are not formally organized by management or the organization, but rather by co-workers.  If the events are organized by management, they often are too formal, and lose their impact.

There is one other aspect that I think is very important.  In today’s work environment, you are often working with co-workers that are in home offices or remote locations.  It’s very important that anything you do makes them feel included.  For example, when I hosted the ice cream sundae making event, I did it on a day that my co-workers from Spokane were going to be in town so that everyone felt included.  You can also use things like interoffice mail or even regular mail to send them things related to an event you are organizing.  In the case of bringing gifts from when I travel, I sent a package of gifts to my co-workers in Spokane similar to the gifts I brought back to share with my co-workers in Seattle.  I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to include remote co-workers in everything you plan to do.

As I said, not everyone believes that caring is an important aspect in work, but I have done these types of things everywhere I’ve worked, and it’s always made a big difference to my co-workers.  It’s about making a difference to people in ways they might not otherwise expect.  Plus, it’s just a lot of fun!

Transitioning From Achiever to Inspiring Others to Achieve

This past week, I took a week of vacation to attend a party in Lancaster, PA for my parents, who are coming up on their 50^th anniversary, which is quite an achievement.  This involves a long plane flight from the Seattle area to the Philadelphia area, which gives me a lot of time to think about where I’m at, how I feel, and where I want to go.  I don’t know why, but I’ve always found the airplane a great place to think.  It’s probably because I can simply put on my headphones, listen to music, and spend time thinking without the worry about being interrupted by the phone, email, or text messages.  In usual fashion, this trip has inspired some thoughts that I felt the need to write a blog about.

Over the last couples of weeks, I’ve had some positive developments at work.  I’m now more formally in a role that better suits my skills, I work for a boss that really understands how I “tick” (maybe she should worry about that…), and I work with people who want to make a difference, learn and grow.  Additionally, our team started filling out a survey (enneagram) that helps to identify your personality traits, and assigns a number to you.  I filled it out, and came out between a 2 and 3.  A 2 is identified with a pleaser, and a 3 is identified with an achiever.  I have to say that I can’t dispute either one.  While I look at those numbers, it makes me reflect on who I am.  I have always been someone who enjoys working with other people, and doing whatever I can to make them happy and comfortable.  Additionally, I look at both my personal and professional life, and find that I am the most motivated when I have a goal and am trying to achieve something.  I get bored and frustrated when I’m unable to achieve things, and feel that I am unable to please the people I care about.  I guess I could dig deeper into it, but on the surface, it really does describe me the best of any of these surveys I have taken in the past.

This has also caused me to think deeper about myself.  My career has largely been roles that could be described as “the hired gun” or “the human fire extinguisher”.  If there’s a challenge or a difficult situation, I’m going to step up and figure out how to accomplish the task at hand.  It’s arguably served me well as I have done well in my career.  In many respects, it has really fulfilled the two things that motivate me.  As an achiever, its very obvious how those roles played to my strengths.  Additionally, as a pleaser, I’ve been able to please people by achieving things.  In an odd sort of way, my career choices have mirrored my personality in a way I have never thought about before.  Go figure…after twenty six years in the computer industry, I finally figure myself out.

As I reflect, the career choices have been fun, but have often left me feeling lost or confused.  The initial excitement of achieving something or pleasing someone seems to fade quicker and quicker each time.  The after glow, if you will, just doesn’t seem to bring as much satisfaction as it used to.  I also look at the amount of stress I put myself through, and the number of health issues it has caused at times, and I often wonder how much longer I can do what I do.  Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change a thing.  I’ve enjoyed what I do and who I am.  However, I find myself at a crossroads where I feel that there has to be more to it.

I also look at my “hobby” of coaching youth soccer, which I recently retired from.  It’s a completely different environment and skill set.  As a coach, I can’t simply step on the field and fix things by playing myself.  I have to rely on my ability to motivate a group of young soccer players to better themselves individually, and more importantly, as a unit on the field.  Again, I have arguably been successful as a soccer coach.  For the most part, I have been able to get through to young soccer players and motivate them to do more than they thought they could, and even motivated them to play as a unit on the field.  We haven’t always had success in the form of wins and losses, but we’ve always improved from where we started, which is all you can ask for as a coach. 

Occasionally, my work life and my hobby have crossed paths.  I will often give advice to co-workers on how to best work with other co-workers, and I often draw on my soccer coaching experiences to convey the information.  Additionally, I facilitate a lot of team building and bonding events.  This has all been great and been very much appreciated by management.  However, I have a confession to make.  I can do much, much better.  There is one area that I really need to work on, and I think other achievers will be able to relate to what I’m about to say.

When you function in your career as a “hired gun”, the ability to achieve something is usually in your own hands, or in the hands of yourself and a small team of people that you implicitly trust.  Those situations are somewhat easy to control so that you can achieve the desired outcome.  However, I have often fallen short when it involves larger groups of people with varying skill sets and motivation levels.  I’ve often felt that it’s impossible to motivate some people, or even that some people just don’t care enough to succeed.  Is that really true, or can I do more?  How do I grow this ability within larger groups of people with a more diverse set of motivations and skill sets?

There are tons of negative feelings and self-doubt when I explore this deeper within my own mind.  You run the gamut of emotions.  Am I making myself less valuable by making other people more valuable?  Will I become obsolete?  Can I be easily replaced by another achiever or pleaser?  Will I be less respected or liked by my co-workers?  In other words, if I succeed at growing other achievers and pleasers, do I make myself expendable?  It’s a difficult set of questions for me to face and ask myself.  My self-confidence hasn’t always been as strong as it should be for a lot of deep emotional reasons I won’t go into that started at an early age growing up.  This may sound ridiculous to many readers, but it’s always at the forefront of my mind.  Call it fear of failure…

Recently, with the help of my boss, I actually took a small group of people with varying levels of motivation and talent, and lead them through a task of accomplishing a somewhat aggressive goal at work.  We really hit a home run with what we did, and even though I felt a lot of pressure that we had to succeed, I didn’t just naturally jump in and take over when things appeared to be going off course.  I combined my soccer coaching skills and work skills to motivate individuals to be better and work together as a team to accomplish our objective.  The experience was motivating, and probably the first real experience I had in bringing my hobby into the workplace in a way that was beyond the typical team building activities I have done in the past.

It was a good feeling, but I still have doubts.  In my previous experiences as a “hired gun”, everything was pretty measurable, and your contribution to them was equally as measurable.  How do I measure my success at motivating others to accomplish the goal?  It’s a lot harder than measuring your own individual impact.  Yes, we accomplished the goal.  However, was I effective as a leader and motivator, or was it just luck?  Could I do it again if asked?  If so, how would I measure success?  For the achiever and pleaser in me, these are hard questions as I struggle with how to measure it and measure my contribution to it.  It’s very uncomfortable space for me right now.  Would I do it again if asked?  Absolutely.  Will I continue to struggle with how to measure myself and my value?  Absolutely.  Self-doubt is just a default behavior that I need to work on.

I am committed to this transition because in my current role, our organization can’t succeed if I don’t try to grow other people.  There’s just too much work to do and not enough time, even for a motivated achiever like me.  My career has always been defined as someone that achieves the impossible.  I will always need a component of that in my career.  However, I need to continue to build other people.  This will require more work and patience than I’ve had in the past, but it’s yet another way for me to grow.  Can I do it?  I don’t know, and that’s the answer that bothers me.  However, I have to try, and at the end of the day, I guess that’s all I can do…try…