I was out with some friends after work on Friday, and the discussion got me to thinking about something I thought would make a good blog topic. We were out with someone who was leaving the organization, and when I asked her what her next career step was going to be, she mentioned that she was still trying to figure that out. She wasn’t sure what was next or what she wanted to do next, and was going to take some time to figure that out. Later in the evening, we were having other discussions about different definitions of success. Some felt success was about the amount of money you made while others felt success was defined by doing what you want to do and enjoying it. I got to thinking about how those two things were closely tied together.
As my wife and I were doing our weekly house cleaning chores, it gave me some time to think. I often think about things when I’m doing things like cleaning the house or doing yard work. It’s a good time to clear my head and think about things. I started to think about the conversations Friday night along with the choices I made in my own life and career. It led me to think about why I’ve done the things I’ve done in my life. Did I do the things I did because I was good at them, because I wanted to do them, or because it was expected of me?
Before I reflect on my own choices, some people will immediately say that I did things because I felt I had to, not because I wanted to. However, that’s not the case. Whether I regret former choices I made is not the point. What’s more important is why I make the choices I make, and why I continue to do so. Also, it could be argued whether I’m good at the things I choose to do or not. Again, that’s subjective, and not the point. Some would argue I was good at it while others would argue that I am not. Each person has their own opinion on that.
Before tying this to my experiences at DecisionPoint, I thought I’d talk about something else I do, coaching youth soccer. When I first started coaching youth soccer, I think the initial reason had to do with my son entering kindergarten and choosing recreational soccer as his first experience with organized sports. I thought it would be a good way to spend more time together, and it was. I continued to coach the following years, and even coached my daughter’s teams. As my kids decided to play competitive soccer, I chose not to coach their teams. My own experiences with my dad as my coach were not terribly positive, and I didn’t want to get into those same situations with my kids. However, I had some success working with the rec soccer players, and wanted to try my hand at coaching at the competitive level. I continue to coach competitive soccer, almost 12 years later.
When I look at it, I often ask myself why I do it. As I get older, dealing with today’s youth is much harder. While some players play competitive soccer because they’re good at it and want to get better, others think they want to, except when they have to work hard at it. There’s a mentality that you can play a competitive sport as long as you don’t have to work very hard. I often reflect on why I continue to coach. I have enjoyed it. However, do I enjoy doing it now or do I do it because I’m good at it, and it’s expected of me? It’s a tough question to ask yourself. You reflect on your reputation as a coach and whether people expect it of you because you’ve always done it. You reflect on whether you're still good at it, and as a result others expect you to do it. What also makes it difficult is that I often put the happiness of others over my own happiness. So, the fact that others expect it of me, I feel I will be disappointing them or letting them down if I don’t do it. I’m starting to think that I continue to do it because I’m good at it and it’s expected of me. I can’t say whether I enjoy it like I have in the past. It’s an especially tough situation because when you’re good at something, you often feel pressured to continue to do it well after you’re done enjoying it.
Now, I will reflect on my career starting DecisionPoint.
When DecisionPoint was initially spun out of Sequent Computer Systems, it was a hallmark moment in my career. I was doing something I really loved, which was building data warehousing software that could help businesses implement a data warehouse faster than they could before with the potential of significant positive impact on their ability to analyze financial information for improving the business. Also, I was pretty good at it. I was leading the engineering team and providing them guidance on how the product should evolve. Additionally, I was heavily involved in the sales and implementation aspects of the business where I was helping to convince companies to buy our software, and then helping them successfully implement our product. There was one area that I didn’t enjoy, which was helping customers implement the software. This involved a lot of travel and time away from my young family. In one case, I was back and forth from Portland, Oregon to Boston over the course of eight weeks. In that case, I did it because I was good at it, and it was expected of me. I endured this because I knew it would only be short term. I think the thing that I enjoyed most about that time in my career was the diversity in my role. There was a lot of variety in what I was doing.
As DecisionPoint grew, I continued to enjoy what I was doing, and continued to be pretty good at it. We were a young company with a small set of employees, who were working together towards success. We didn’t have a lot of politics or hierarchies. We knew what we had to do, and we went and did it. We weren’t sloppy, but we were nimble, and could do what needed to be done.
When I look back on my experience at DecisionPoint, I realize that I reached a point where it was no longer fun. We did go through four different management teams, and there were a lot of changes in direction with each management team change. It was messy, and highly political each time. We stopped doing things because they needed to be done, and started to do things because that’s what the management team wanted to do, whether we the employees felt it was right or wrong. Also, the sense of teamwork was disappearing. There were cliques and subgroups forming, and a lot of sniping between employees. While I realize that some of it was an inevitable factor of a growing company, it just wasn’t something I wanted to do any more.
While I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but I began to hit a phase at DecisionPoint where I was good at it, and I was expected to do it. The enjoyment was there every once in a while, but for the most part it was gone. As the founder of the company, I felt an obligation to stick it out. I felt that if I left, I would be letting too many people down. And, as I said before, I’m the type of person that’s pretty good at sacrificing my own needs for the needs of others. Not healthy at all, and I get that, but it’s a lot of pressure when you feel responsible for close to 100 employees.
I think the other thing that changed had to do with the philosophy change. I’ve said more than once that when I started DecisionPoint it was because I was passionate about what we could do. When I look back at what changed and caused me to like things less, I think it had to do with when we shifted to focus more on money. We hired some people that joined a startup because they thought it was a good way to build their resume, and hopefully make a lot of money eventually. Sure, that wasn’t everyone, but that element was starting to creep into the picture. Also, it was hard for me to accept that we were hiring people that weren’t as passionate about what we do as I was. In many cases, I again was doing it because I felt I had to do it. The enjoyment wasn’t completely gone, but it certainly wasn’t there most days I went to work.
We were struggling badly with sales of our software at DecisionPoint and started soliciting offers to buy the company. We attracted several potential acquiring companies that would benefit from our technology. One of the things that was re-motivating for me was the potential to enjoy what I was doing once again. No matter which company acquired us, we were looking at having to make significant changes to our product line. Also, the management team was not coming along to the acquiring company, so we were going to go back to the days where we were a core engineering team doing what needed to be done to convert our product to a new technology. That potential really appealed to me and motivated me.
It turns out that we were acquired by Teradata, and it was exactly as I had expected. Teradata was going to continue to sell our product, but the major focus was going to be on our effort to convert our product to support their technology. Teradata was a much larger organization, which might have been problematic. But, the way they handled it was absolutely brilliant. They gave us our direction as far as what we needed to do, and let us execute it. It was just like the early days of DecisionPoint. The core team working together to hit a target. We definitely had our struggles along the way, but I was back to a point where I was enjoying what I did, and I was good at it.
At the time of the acquisition, it was also nice because I was offered a “contract” to join Teradata. If I made a certain time commitment, I would get some rewards at the end of that time commitment. While that was very nice and flattering, that was less of a motivator for me. Money was always a good thing, especially when you have a family. However, having money and not enjoying what you do was not something I wanted to repeat.
Like DecisionPoint, after we finished our conversion of our product to work with Teradata (about two years later), we got more into the mainstream of the rest of the Teradata organization. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing for our product, but was not necessarily something that was good for me. There were more people and politics to deal with, and more elements that influenced what we did or did not do with the product. Also, my job became less diverse. At first, within Teradata, I was leading the engineering team, but also doing a ton of work on the sales and marketing front helping people learn the value proposition of our product and how to sell it. It was a lot of fun. However, it was also slowly disappearing.
I fulfilled my commitment with Teradata, and continued to work there. However, I was again doing it more because I felt I had to do it and it was expected of me, not because I enjoyed it. My tenure at Teradata ended, and a couple of days after my last day, my daughter who had just graduated high school came to me and said “dad, I’ve never seen you this happy”. It hurt at first, because she was right. However, I realized her comment matched how I was feeling. I was working there because I was good at it, and felt I had to do it. I was too committed to other folks and the survival of the product. I really didn’t enjoy what I was doing any more.
When I started the job search after leaving Teradata, I was at a crossroads. I was making very good money at Teradata, but also realized I wasn’t doing what I loved to do. The challenge was to find something I enjoyed doing, but also being able to stay afloat from a financial perspective with two kids in college. My wife was very supportive, and we decided to use some of the money I had made from Teradata, and pay down our bills so that I didn’t have to take a job simply for the money. I had to enjoy what I was doing again. That was a must. I found that opportunity in Seattle, and we eventually moved from Portland to Seattle.
As I look at it today, I couldn’t have made a better decision. Generally speaking, I’m good at what I do, and I enjoy it. There are many days where I get frustrated and upset because the environment doesn’t move as quickly as I’d like. However, when I go to work and do the hands on work, I really enjoy what I’m doing. Sure, the money isn’t as good, but you can’t put a price on happiness. I know a lot of people hear that and think “yeah, right”, but it’s true. When I made the job change, I really did look for something I would be good at and be happy with. It has made a difference in my outlook. I do struggle at times with wondering whether I’m doing everything I’m good at, and whether I should be doing more because it’s expected. However, I always have to remind myself what happens when you start to do what’s expected even though you don’t enjoy it.
To round out this blog entry, it also factors into the definition of success. Many people feel that I wasn’t successful. I started a company that didn’t go public that was acquired by a larger company. I made some money, but not a lot. I don’t own multiple houses or “toys”. Many would feel that I should go back and do it again until I am successful, as defined by financial rewards. However, I would counter that argument with the fact that I wasn’t successful with DecisionPoint and Teradata because I wasn’t happy. Today, I don’t have as much power or authority as I used to have, and people would think I have to look for that again. However, I’m happy with what I’m doing, and I’m good at it. There are aspects of this job that I don’t enjoy, but the work is generally fun for me. I don’t need to be rich or famous. That’s not my definition of success. Sure, that doesn’t match a lot of how people view success. However, I have a job that I enjoy and a family that loves me, including two kids we are putting through college. So I leave you with this thought. What is the point of doing what others expect of you and something that you make a lot of money at if it makes the rest of your life miserable?
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