Fear is the imaginary mountain that hides the horizon

I once again find myself writing a blog post based on one of the inspirational quotes from the coach’s motivational reference document that was shared with me coupled with a recent work experience.  I am often intrigued by what motivates people and why.  The answer is never very easy because each person is different, and we all react to situations in our lives differently.  However, I think one of the ways you learn the most about people is how they react when they are in a situation where they have to face fear. 

Fear can either be a tremendous motivator or a tremendous “de-motivator” depending on the situation and who you are.  Also, there is a time factor involved.  In many cases, the initial fear reaction generates different behavior than later when the initial reaction has faded.  I must admit that in many situations for me personally, the initial reaction is much different than after I’ve had time to process and figure out what needs to happen next.  I think the biggest difference between individuals is how quickly the initial fear reaction fades, or even if it does, and when the person is ready to move to the next step.

If you read my last blog post about the Navy Seals, I think you would agree that these are individuals that are trained to overcome the ultimate fear, that being the fear of death, in order to do their job.  In their situation, fear that causes even the smallest delay in reaction can cause the ultimate sacrifice for individuals or the entire team.  That’s why you’ll often hear them referring to the importance of their training.  They want to be so well trained that they can react instantly to any situation without the risk of fear or any other emotion getting in the way of doing their job.    In many ways, they use confidence in their ability to do their job to offset whatever fear they might feel in a given situation.  While I’m not sure I could ever conquer my fears as well as those in the Navy Seals, the situations in which I’ve had to face fear have also not been nearly as intense as the situations they have faced. 

Throughout my career, I have faced many fearful situations.  As I reflect, I also realize that much like the Navy Seals, I have had to use the confidence in my abilities and those of my teammates to offset those fears.  There is a delicate balance involved because you can sometimes be overconfident in your abilities and the abilities of your teammates, which can lead you to situations where you get in over your head because you thought you could conquer anything thrown your way.  It reminds me of a phrase I’ve often heard in athletics:  Confident, not cocky.  It’s a fine line, that’s for sure.

If you’ve read past blog posts, you may remember my mentioning my time at Sequent.  I believe one of the most fearful situations I faced at Sequent was when I was called into the CEO’s office and told I was going to Germany the next day as part of a team for a critical customer benchmark, he couldn’t tell me when I was coming home, and I had to win the benchmark.  At the time, I was 25 years old with a wife and a very young son.  I was definitely afraid, and felt a bit alone in the whole situation as I didn't know a lot about the team I would be part of.  However, saying no to the opportunity was not an option.  Also, after the initial fear reaction subsided and I had time to think, I realized that I was fully capable of doing what was asked of me.  That doesn’t mean that I didn’t have twinges of fear.  I certainly did.  However, I reached a point where I just had to trust my training and instincts and those of my teammates in order to accomplish the task at hand.  At the end of the situation, we did win the benchmark, and won the business.  Had I not overcome my fear and trusted my teammates, I’m not sure that would have been the case.

When I started DecisionPoint, there were a lot of fears.  I was leaving a good job with a great company in Sequent, and I was about to do something that is more known for failures than for successes.  It would have been easy to give in to my initial fears and decided not to start DecisionPoint.  However, I also had to take time and process that fear and channel it, realizing that I was confident in my abilities and the people I would be working with to do the job, and that if it didn’t work out, I was confident in my abilities to take my career in a new direction.  I think that’s the hardest part.  You have to try to put aside the thoughts of doubt about whether you can recover if something doesn’t go the way you planned it to go.  You ask yourself if you can conquer the fear of failure knowing you can change directions if you need to.

Conquering fear also extends to your teammates.  It’s not always about your individual abilities, but rather the collective abilities of your teammates that can determine fear and the reaction to it.  I think one of the things that got me through situations at both Sequent and DecisionPoint also had to do with my confidence in the abilities of my teammates in addition to my own.  Like the Navy Seals, the strength of the team is greater than the strength of the individuals on the team.  Good teams become great when the members are confident that their collective skills can get them through any situation or adversity.

More recently, I have been asked to take on some difficult tasks at work.  Some of these things have been long standing problems or situations due to the complexity involved.  I also often hear others say things like it can’t be fixed, that others have unsuccessfully tried to fix it, and that it’s just too hard to fix.  I have never been one to accept that stance.  Everything is fixable with enough time, patience, energy, and confidence in myself and my teammates.  I know that if I can put my fears aside and step forward, my teammates will step forward with me. Very often, individuals are willing to step forward and put their own fears aside, but they are only willing to do so if someone will step forward with them.  For the people I work with, I don’t look for them to be the first to put their fear aside and step forward.  All I ask is that if I’m willing to do it, I want them to do it with me.  More importantly, the teammates that aren’t willing to step forward with me are telling me something about them.  They may never step forward, which is sad for them.  There’s not much I can do about that, and I have to admit it’s very frustrating to me.

Naturally, there is fear that goes with these situations.  The situations have existed for a long period of time for any number of reasons, and have been looked at by many different individuals prior to me or other members of the team.  It would be easy for me to give in to fear using the excuse that others have looked at it, so it must be too difficult for me to accomplish.  That could be caused by the initial fear reaction.  However, I also have to have some confidence in my abilities, my teammate’s abilities, and know that even though others have looked at the situation, they may not have had the same experiences or background as I or any of my teammates have had. 

I remember a funny movie I like to watch called “The Replacements” that also has some important lessons in it.  It’s the story of a bunch of former athletes that come together on a football team as replacement players when the regular players go on strike.  At one point in the movie, the quarterback and coach make an important observation.  The quarterback talks about fear of quicksand in the context of playing the game.  How there are times that you’re trying your very hardest, but no matter what you do, things aren’t going your way.  Much like being in quicksand.  No matter what you do, the situation gets worse.  The coach follows that by acknowledging what the quarterback is talking about in the context of fear.  He then makes the statement that now that the fear is shared amongst the teammates, they can work to conquer the fear together.

With that, I’ll finish off this blog entry.  The key point is that we all face fear.  However, what defines us is how we react to that fear and what we do about it.  The easy thing to do is run away.  In order to get better, though, what you really need to do is face your fear and conquer it.  Also, realize that you aren’t alone in your fear.  Others have fear also.  However, once your fear is shared, there is a collective confidence that you can conquer your fear together.  Like the last blog entry, I’ll finish this off with a question.  Conquering fear involves someone being the first to step forward, acknowledging the fear, and be determined to conquer it.  Others that matter will follow that lead.  The question is whether you are willing to be the first one to step forward.  Will you stand up and be counted when it matters the most?

Would You Be The One To Jump On The Grenade?

Every once in a while, you see a movie or read a book that causes you to think deeper than you normally would.  As I’ve stated in previous blogs, I’m a huge fan of war movies.  My preferences are ones that are true stories, but I enjoy most war movies regardless.  Last night, I was finally able to sit down and watch the movie “Act of Valor”.  I honestly don’t know if it was based on a true story or not, but the movie was quite good, and at the same time, a bit sad for me.  The theme of the movie is that a team of Navy Seals starts out by rescuing a female hostage that has been undercover tracking terrorist activity, and has gotten captured.  They rescue her, and then start tracking down the terrorists to try and stop them from entering the US where they have plans for suicide bomb missions in large US cities.   It’s a great movie that causes a lot of thoughts and emotions. 

The Navy Seals are a group of elite military personnel that have been trained to do anything to complete the mission, and trained to do anything to support the team.  They each have a role on the team, and no individual role is more important than the others.  However, the team’s strength is their ability to know each other and support each other through thick and thin.  When other teams fall apart, they stick together.   Also, recently one of the motivational quotes I read was from them: Individuals play the game, but teams beat the odds.

What struck me most about the movie was near the end.  They were in hot pursuit of the terrorists, and as they came upon a room, one of the terrorists dropped a hand grenade in the room.  Without even hesitating, one of the Seals jumped on the grenade, instantly killing himself, but saving the rest of the team.  It really got me to thinking about life in general.  None of us face situations like that in our daily lives.  However, how many of us would be willing to be the one that jumps on the grenade knowing that we face certain death, but doing it in order to save the team?  It’s a tough question, and I think all of us would like to believe we would be capable of such a selfless action, but unless we ever faced that situation, we can’t be sure what we would do.

As I reflect on both my life as a professional, and a coach of young athletes, I think about the significance of that action in the movie.  Those who know me well know that I’m both a coach and a co-worker that emphasizes teamwork, commitment, and hard work.  I always want to see individuals succeed.  However, I also feel that their success is much more rewarding when it’s in the context of the team.  No matter how talented a co-worker or teammate is, they can’t do it alone, and their ability to succeed is directly related to their ability to channel their individual talents in the direction that benefits the team.

Unfortunately, our society has become what I call a “me first” society.  In the guise of helping our kids maintain a healthy self-esteem, we’ve almost gone too far by helping them believe that their own interests are more important than the goals of the team.  It’s not 100% this way all of the time, but it’s a trend.  You can look at a sporting event or even corporations these days.  We seem to raise talented individuals to a higher level and treat them special.  Maybe they are more talented than their teammates or co-workers.  That could be the case.  Unfortunately, that’s a very skewed perspective, because very few people actually attain that level of success in their life.  We see these individuals as successful, and want to emulate them even though very few of us will make it that far.

It never ceases to amaze me the number of teammates (and their parents) and co-workers that feel they are privileged and should be treated as special.  The bottom line is that our ability to succeed in life is mostly defined to our ability to get along, work, and cooperate with each other.  What would happen if each of us would take more of the Navy Seal approach, and not only appreciate ourselves for our individual ability, but more importantly, appreciate ourselves for our ability to use those skills in the context of the team.  That’s not to say that some level of individualism is bad.  However, individualism for the sake of individualism, in spite of team goals, is wasteful.

I sometimes have conversations with others in my profession about the definition of success.  Too often, the people I talk to view success as their ability to achieve something and make a lot of money.  Rarely do you hear them talk about the team they built, how they fit into that team, and the value of that experience in their life.  I guess I’m different that way.  I did “ok” in terms of success and financial reward.  I certainly was not able to retire off of what I made starting my own company.  However, I will always be proud that I was able to channel my talents and individual abilities in the context of the larger team and how we worked together.  Unfortunately, most people I talk to only look at the financial rewards and quickly conclude I did not succeed.  I disagree completely.

In a previous blog post, I referenced a series of quotes.  One of the quotes I really like is “Care more than others think is wise”.  I also mentioned in that blog that caring deeply is a critical component of who I am.  I can’t just be part of a team or a work environment.  I have to know the people I am on the team or working with to a much deeper level.  It’s just how I’m programmed, and it has always served me well.  As I reflect on the people I’ve gotten to know and work with, I have a sense that I’ve had an impact on their lives.  Not because I’ve done anything special, but more because I was willing to allow myself to care for them beyond what others thought was reasonable or wise.

I look at DecisionPoint, and reflect that we weren’t successful as others define it.  Sure, we stayed in business for 10 years and were acquired by a larger organization.  However, none of us made a ton of money from that venture.  Because I am different than others, I do consider it a success because of how I connected with many different co-workers, and the impact I had on their lives.  I am constantly reminded of that when I get an email from a former co-worker, soccer player, or coach that I worked with.  The fact that these people continue to reach out to me long after I have stopped working with them is all I need to tell me what kind of impact I had.  And honestly, it feels really, really good.  Was it a risk to care enough to connect with these people?  Yes.  Did everyone appreciate the effort?  No.  Does it matter?  The only thing that matters is that I tried to make a difference, and that has to be good enough.

I look at the fact that I get invited to weddings of former co-workers, graduation and award ceremonies for former players, and coaches that come to me to seek my advice, and that’s what makes me believe that the level of caring I showed made a difference.  Additionally, my wife and I recently attended a wedding where we caught up with former co-workers from DecisionPoint.  I was reminded of my impact by one couple that their daughter, who was very young at the time and who I haven’t seen in a long time, still refers to me as “Uncle Larry”.  For me, it wasn’t just about reaching out to the co-worker, but rather understanding him at a deeper level, and caring not just about him, but the important people in his life. 

Now that I rambled on, let me bring it back to jumping on the grenade.  Why do I believe I would jump on the grenade?  Because I have.  There are multiple times over the years I was at DecisionPoint where I had offers to leave and make a lot more money, and achieve a lot more notoriety.  I could never do it because I felt that I would be letting down the team and the people in my life that mattered.  To me, walking away would have been like ducking behind a wall when the grenade was about to go off while my teammates were maimed or killed.  Yes, that’s an extreme view, but that’s how I viewed it.  We had all worked hard leveraging our individual talents for the sake of the team (DecisionPoint), and it’s success.  We all had individual capabilities, but without trust and coordination, we were not going to succeed.  Every person was important because of the role they performed and the benefit it brought to the team.  I was not about to make a selfish choice that I felt would be detrimental to my teammates and the people in their lives that they care about.

I have carried that mentality in my post-DecisionPoint career, and will continue to do so.  I’m just programmed that way.  Admittedly, I do get frustrated by people that do not think that way, and there seem to be more and more of those people as I get older.  However, I have to step back and remind myself that I am the way I am, and I can’t expect everyone to be that way.  It’s a struggle big time when you see a teammate or co-worker knowingly do something in their own interest that does not benefit the team, and that’s hard to swallow.  However, I also have to remind myself that I can’t control that.  I can only do what I do.

So, as you read this blog, it would be interesting to reflect on whether you would be the Navy Seal that was willing to jump on the grenade to save your teammates at the detriment of yourself.  Would you have the courage to do it or would you walk away?  People that don’t finish reading this blog post probably would not because they are probably the ones that would walk away.

I will not, because I have to be that person.  I have to jump on the grenade….